


Back to Life

by Dashboardjuliet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, FIX IT FIC YALL, Multi, TRoS Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:28:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21975865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dashboardjuliet/pseuds/Dashboardjuliet
Summary: TROS spoilers aboundRey isn't willing to let the belonging that she's found go.Otherwise known as Rey's Gulliver Travels Across the Universe to save Ben Solo
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	1. In Which a Conversation is had

Coruscant is loud, teeming with life. She thought that the forests of D’Qar, or the full roving mountains of Ahch-To, were full of life, from the smallest little worm to the bigger beasts that called the waves home. But nothing, she finds out quickly, compares to the nonstop energy of Coruscant. Even entering through the atmosphere, she could feel the energy in the Force rebounding from the planet, emanating like a distress beacon that she couldn’t ignore. It’s distracting, frustrating at times in a way that she can’t fully vocalise. Finn seems to understand, slightly, but Poe is oblivious to the undercurrent that she is tuned into.  


Rey finds herself, more often than not, staring out the window of their rooms in the seemingly never ending apartment that they had been placed in for the time. There is too much to deal with remotely for her two new Generals. Both of them are still acclimatizing to the new titles, the new responsibilities that seem to come with them, and she certainly doesn’t blame the second coming of the New Republic for bringing in Leia’s replacements for talks about the establishment of the new government. She is there simply because. There are a multitude of true reasons: she’s tired of being alone, she needs peace, she can’t take the quiet anymore (the gaping hole left in her chest from all the losses, from Ben, makes the quiet too hard to bear on her own). Finn and Poe understand this, Rey thinks, without it needing to be said. During the day they do the work that they seem to be required to do, and she, along with Rose, spend the day exploring the old Jedi Temple, now defunct Imperial Palace. She tries too hard, to ignore the remnants in the Force that remind her of her truth. She can feel them, lurking in the outer reaches of her periphery. If she focused enough, they would solidify into the shape of Palpetine, of the people that followed him, all imprints of monsters that she knows are now gone but are still close enough to her that she feels haunted. She does her best to hide from them, focus on something more positive, but always, always, seems to falter.  


“Rey?” Her name, Finn’s voice, calls her back from her probably too deep thoughts. Turning her eyes from the constant buzz of sparkling speeder lights and building windows, she turns back to her companions to find Finn staring up at her, head resting in her lap while Poe’s arm is wrapped comfortably around her shoulder pulling her to him. On the ground sitting between Poe’s legs is Rose, head leaning against his knee with her mouth slightly open and eyes closed. More often than not they’ve found themselves lumped together in their down times, finding the contact with one another more cementing, grounding, than anything else.  


“What is it?” She keeps her voice quiet, overly aware of the way that Poe is snoring quietly into her ear, breath blowing the wisps of her little stray hairs around. She’s taken to wearing it down, pulling only the top layer into a top knot.  


“You were… staring.” He makes a motion with his hand, wagging each of his fingers separately in front of his eyes to symbolize something that she doesn’t fully grasp, but nonetheless makes her smile.  


“I was thinking. There is a difference between the two, I’m almost sure.”  


“Fine then, you were thinking.” He repeats the motion with his fingers, and the corners of her lips turn up into a smile.  


“It’s nothi…”  


“No staring, thinking, or speaking, during nap time.” Poe’s sleepy voice states, words mumbled into her hair but loud enough for both her and Finn to hear them. They eye each other, and a smile grows on Finn’s lips too. She laughs silently, shoulder shaking, then holds a finger to her lips to silence him, and her. He nods, the fabric of her poncho shifting with his movement. She watches as his eyes drift closed, and waits for a moment before she does the same.

  


When she dreams, he is always there. She’s lost track of the days since he died, (she hasn’t. It’s been one standard month. She’s always been good at keeping track of the passing of time), but he still looks the same, save for the missing blood of his brow, or redness under his eye. He looks healthy, wearing the same black ensemble that she last saw him in, hole still scorched into the knitting of the sweater from her saber. She tries to take in every detail of him, but even in sleep, it still feels like she won’t have enough time to see Ben Solo so she won’t ache for him in her waking moments. They are always together, in a wide open expanse of green swaying grass, with a blue sky stretching out above them. It is a place that means nothing to her, but she thinks means something to him. The first time she dreamed of him, his eyes had gone wide with something that she thinks might have been recognition but he hadn’t taken the time to explain.  


They’re laying face to face, legs a tangled mess, bodies pressing as close as they possibly can be without removing their clothing, and even then it still isn’t enough. His hand is knotted in her loose hair, tight enough that it almost feels real, pulling on her scalp just sharp enough, a quiet reminder that at least in her dreams he is real. They never speak much, only touch. Her hand is on his cheek, thumb tracing the side of his jaw. Something about the action, the mirroring of the placement of her hand on his face when he… died, makes her freeze. She swallows, throat going dry.  


“Ben,” She whispers, voice hoarse. His hand moves as she speaks, releases the tight grip on her hair that she relishes, and moves to cup her cheek, copying the same motion that she makes on his face. Rey closes her eyes as he does so, savors the drag of his thumb over her cheekbone. His other hand is underneath her, on her waist, and he moves to pull her closer to him, aiming to get rid of any space that might still exist between them. “I didn’t think I could miss anyone this much.”  


“I’m always with you.” He says back, matching her quiet tone almost perfectly. She closes her eyes at the finality of it, but doesn’t want to accept it.  


“Not in the way I want, in the way we deserve.”  


“I did a lot, Rey, and if I was still… there, my life wouldn’t be easy. I knew what I was doing, and I did it anyways, gladly.”  


“That’s not fair, you don’t know that. You could have been happy. We’re creating a new world and you would have found your place in it, along with me.”  


“There’s no place in what you’re creating for Kylo Ren.”  


“But there is one for Ben Solo. I know it.”  


They both fall silent at that, the only thing making noise between them is their breathing and the wind that whistles through the grass they are laying in. They’ve had this conversation before, and it always seems to end with them in the same stalemate, with him unwilling to be sorry for the sacrifice he made, and her unwilling to be without him.  


She rolls away from him onto her back, his one hand still securely underneath her, so she can stare up at the unending sky. He does the same, copying her so that they are both laying side by side, the hand that was underneath her moving to hold her hand, fingers interlocking together. They’re never not touching here, wherever they go when she sleeps.  


Unable to sit in silence, and needing to hear his voice, Rey changes the topic.  


“Where are we? The first time… it seemed like you knew it.” It seems like safer ground, something they can talk about without it dissolving into a disagreement.  
“Literally or figuratively?”  


“What do you mean?”  


“Literally: it’s the lake country in Naboo, at least I think.”  


“How? I’ve never been to Naboo.”  


“But I have. We, my mother and I,” his voice falters at his mention of Leia, and her grip on his hand tightens. “We spent summers here, sometimes. My grandmother’s family owned estates here.”  


“So we’re…”  


“In my memory, yes. I think so.”  


“How is that even possible? You’re…” She can’t finish the sentence without a knot forming in her throat, a lump that she can’t get passed.  


“I don’t think I am.”  


“What?” She sits up, and turns toward him with wide eyes. This is the first he’s said of this, of anything relating to his current state outside of their ongoing debate about his fate. She leans closer to him, plant a hand on one side of his head so that she is almost arching over him, staring down into the darkness of his eyes. He stares back at her with an openness she hasn’t seen in him since their kiss.  


“I… when you leave, I’m still here. And it doesn’t feel like I’m one with the Force. This feels like something else.”  


“Like what?”  


“I don’t know. But I don’t think I’m dead.”  


‘He doesn’t think he’s dead. Which means he must be alive.’ It repeats like a mantra in her head, and there is a small flower in her, one that has been dormant since he died, that starts to unfurl its leaves again. In her joy, in feeling a small part of her come alive again, she leans in close to him and presses her lips to his, her eyes falling closed as she does. Rey weaves her arms around his neck, pressing in closer to him as his hands come up, one to cradle her face and the other to cup the back of her neck. She smiles against his lips, and she can feel him do the same. She can work with not dead.  


“I’m going to find you Ben. Somehow.” She says as she pulls away, still keeping their faces close, close enough that she can still feel his breath on her face, their noses bumping slightly.  


“Rey… promise me you won’t get your hopes up. You don’t know how this will turn out.”  


“Someone once said to me ‘Never tell me the odds’, but I think mine are pretty good. I’ll see you soon Ben.”

She wakes suddenly, eyes shooting open to make contact with the open sprawling window that frames the shared living area that they more often than not find themselves sleeping in. When she had drifted off, the sun had been setting, turning the sky a golden hue of orange, but currently found it somewhat dark, if she overlooked the overpowering glow of the city. She’s warm on either side, Finn and Poe and Rose having somehow moved during her sleep to fit them all on the couch. Her gaze drift from one to the other, a smile growing on her face. With them at her side, she can do anything. She will find Ben, and bring him home.


	2. In Which the First Step is Taken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup.
> 
> Sorry it's been a hot minute but the beginning of the semester hit me like a train.
> 
> On the plus side, I've got a playlist going and you can listen on Spotify! Just search for Rey's Gulliver Travels to Save Ben Solo
> 
> I want to hear y'alls guesses on which songs mean what.

“Okay run this by me again, one more time.”

She has to control herself, can feel her eyebrow twitching, but she says nothing. It’s technically 4 in the morning on Coruscant, but they all have no system of time, not anymore. Time is something that people fighting a war don’t have the luxury of having, and besides, this is something that she has deemed too important to wait on. She has a man to save.

“I’m leaving. To go find Ben.”

“Ben, Leia’s son, evil villain Kylo Ren, that Ben?” Finn sputters, while Poe, across the table, remains silent and staring at the map that she has sprawled across the surface. Beside her, Rose stands with arms crossed, saying nothing but her brow furrowed. Rey knows, she knows, how it looks, can understand why they don’t understand. Hell, if she hadn’t seen Ben Solo with her own eyes, felt him through the force the way that she had, she wouldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth either. But she had, and the ghost-like presence of the Force tickling the back of her neck tells her that she is right.

“He’s not bad. Not anymore, and he’s alive. I’m going to find him.”

“How can you be sure?” Poe says, eyes finally lifting from the maps, and the Jedi texts she had scrambled together in a mad dash to explain herself. He’s trying her patience today, and she grits her teeth to hold herself back from jumping across the table to strangle the man. As if Rose can sense her growing tense, she moves forward and puts a calming hand on Rey’s shoulder, stroking up and down. It chills her, only slightly, and she’s glad that Rose is seemingly on her side. 

“Has Rey been wrong about stuff like this before?” She says, and Rey stares at them, dares them to even try to think of a situation where she couldn’t be trusted. Neither do, and it’s the validation that she needs. They can’t.

“Rey it’s… not that we don’t trust you, but like you said, you saw him disappear. Just because you’re dreaming of him, that doesn’t mean he’s alive.” Finn sighs, leaning down next to Poe to look over her texts again. They need concrete evidence to believe her, it seems, and she has none, none except the texts.

“I said before, there are places where the… veil is thin, where it’s possible to cross over to another plane,” She leans over as well, pointing to the passage that she’s referencing. “That’s where he is, I know it, and I’m going to go find him there. Whether you agree with me or not.” It’s come to ultimatums it seems. She’s going, with their blessing and help, or not. She isn’t willing to let him go again.

Poe’s shoulders sag, and Finn looks back and forth between her and him, Rose’s grip on her shoulder tightening.

“I’m going with her.” Rose adds, which is a surprise to Rey. She turns to look at her, and finds the other woman staring, smiling up at her, her thoughts almost projecting outward, unprotected and welcoming Rey in to read them.  _ I believe you. I want to help you. Love deserves to be saved. _

At the admission, Finn throws his hands in the air with a huff, and Poe runs his hands down his face.

“Since you can’t be stopped, is there anything else you want to add before you take off?” He adds, slipping back into General mode. It makes her next demand even more satisfying.

“I’m taking the Falcon.”

\---

It doesn’t take long for them to take off, leaving the busyness of Coruscant behind. She and Chewie almost always keep the Falcon stocked and ready for a quick escape, and that hasn’t stopped in the face of peacetime. She will always be on edge, and Chewie will always have the years and years of history with Lando and Han under his belt, stuck in old ways. In the down time they’ve gotten around to fixing the many things that needed fixing, having gone either forgotten or unnoticed or unable to be fixed in the moment. She’s still an old ship, but far more reliable then before, and Rey has little fear about taking her out on the trip that they’re heading out on. The Falcon has seen worse. It has also, unintentionally, become a little bit of a mess. 

She had a not so secret habit of collecting, something that she wasn’t necessarily embarrassed by, but something that she knew the others were overly aware of. The Falcon, being her default home base, had begun to show the signs of Rey living in her. Flower pots decorated the shelving units in the bunk space and galley, little knick knacks from planets they had visited hanging from every nook and cranny that Rey could fit them into. Hanging from the console of the ship was a necklace of gold Whisper bird feathers from Yavin 4, one of their first stops after the war. A mushroom growing in a terrarium from Skako Minor sat in the ‘fresher, where the air was mostly moist from a leaking shower that Rey had yet to find the cause of. Things sparkled in the artificial light, and when they jumped to hyperdrive, the whole ship seemed to shiver, beads trembling with the motion, plants rattling from the immediate jump. She had made the ship a home, had gone from having no material possessions to her name, to suddenly having so much, and unable to break the habits from years of collecting every comfort that she could find on a scarce planet, she had adapted. Every piece had a point, reminding her that she wasn’t as alone anymore as she thought she was.

She fingers the feathers absently, eyes glued to watching the fibers of the feather pull apart and then mold back together. There is little to do while the ship is in hyperspace but wait. Maybe sleep. It’s what Rose is doing right now, can feel the peace of it in the Force. Chewie is somewhere in the depths of the ship, having found something that required his attention. The air is silent, save for the hum of the hyperdrive, and it isn’t hard for her to drift off, to find the peace in the force that the emptiness of open space promises. Letting her eyes shut, surrounded by pieces of her and her memories, Rey lets herself drift off. 

And wakes in his arms. It isn’t a sudden thing, it never is. Slow and gentle, she comes to, with the repetitive motion of her running his fingers through her hair bringing her to consciousness. Her eyes open to find him already staring at her, a smile growing across his crooked lips, dimples proudly on display. It’s an expression that she’s only seen a handful of times on his face, and every time it makes her heart speed up just a bit, to see him so joyously happy. She can’t help but reflect it on her own face, lips turning up, cheeks hurting from how hard she’s smiling. 

“So you’ve made up your mind.” He says, and it isn’t a question. He’s not asking her if she’s sure she wants to do this, take on his seemingly impossible quest that’s been set before her. He knows better than that. 

“I’ve made it up. We’re heading to Ahch-To right now. It’s my best first bet on what the texts are describing. I need to find the thin spaces, and it’s the thinnest I’ve ever felt before.” He knows all this, obviously, but let’s her speak it anyways. In this space, wherever they are, she feels him always in the force, like their bond had never fizzled and disappeared like it did on Exegol. He’s still there, ever present in her head, and she knows she is in his. 

“Are Finn and Poe…?”

“Not coming.”

“Probably for the better.”

“They just don’t know you.”

“They know enough.”

“Ben…” She sighs, rolling over to rest her head on his chest, watching him as he keeps his eyes on the sky. Their hands are intertwined, fingers tangled in with one another, and the contact is so casual and easy that Rey could almost forget the fact that they used to be enemies, that once upon a time he used to bare the mark of their communal anger of his face.

“It’s a conversation we’re going to have to have eventually.” He shrugs, pushing to sit up, and she copies him. He’s right, and it’s something, an unavoidable truth that she has been trying her hardest to evade. In her mind, he isn’t Kylo Ren, not anymore. He’s Ben Solo, and she has always been waiting for him, but the people that had been waiting for him are gone, for the most part. Others have only known him with a different name and a different face, and that face killed and destroyed and did horrible things. She can’t ignore that.

“They’ll see, Ben, I’m sure of it.”

“Who is ‘they’? Your friends, who knew my mother, who knew me as their personal enemy? Or the billions of people across the universe that know me as a monster? They won’t give me grace so easily, you have to know that.”

“I know it. But I also know that we can work it out, somehow. This,” She says, motioning to the space between them, to everything, “wouldn’t be happening if it wasn’t meant to. I feel it Ben, I know that the Force is doing this for our second chance. Don’t tell me that you don’t feel the same.” She stares at him, cups his cheek to pull his face, his gaze, to meet hers. She needs him to know that this is her truth, that she feels so deeply and surely that it feels like it has always been a part of her.

“I wish I could have your strength in that belief.” It isn’t an outright no, and it’s enough for her, at least for now. The hand that is cupping the back of her neck moves, fingers coming to trace the outline of her lips, the drag of his skin on hers so soft and pleasing that it makes her close her eyes. Slowly, his touch fades away.

When her eyes open, they’re out of hyperdrive, Chewie is at her side, guiding the ship down to the rocky shores of Ahch-To, and the Force here greets her like a friend, a friendly caress around her face, a gentle welcome home.

It’s the first step of a long journey, one that she’s ready to greet.

  
  



End file.
